Positive Discipline
The Frontenac Children's Aid Society promotes positive instead of physical discipline as a means to teach children to develop their own self control so they can become independent responsible adults.
Not all children react the same to physical discipline. While some children may appear unaffected by being spanked research tells us that there can be long- term effects particularly when there is an ongoing pattern of physical discipline.
Children who are hit may get the message that hitting is reasonable behaviour. Children who are treated aggressively by their parents may be more likely to be aggressive themselves and to take out their anger on others who are weaker or smaller.
Children who are hit may learn that this is how he or she is treated by a loved one. These indirect lessons may become a fundamental part of the individual's personality and may be generalized to other social relationships.
The American Academy of Paediatrics, (1998) states "The more children are spanked, the more anger they report as adults, the more likely they are to spank their own children, the more likely they are to approve hitting a spouse and the more marital conflict they experience as adults. Spanking has been associated with higher rates of physical aggression, more substance abuse and increased risk of crime and violence when used with older children and adolescents."
Hitting can interrupt bad behaviour but may not include teaching what behaviour would be better.
Parents who choose physical discipline often do so because it is the method with which they are most familiar.
Helpful Hints for positive discipline
Most parents who spank their children state they would prefer not to do so if they were confident of another form of discipline.
- Gain control of your own anger
- "Time out"
- Redirect
- Make amends
- Planned ignoring
- Praise and encouragement
- Teach by example; be a role model
- Treat your children with respect
- Consistency
Gain control of your own anger
Although the best time to teach is as soon as possible after an incident has occurred, the main priority is to gain control over your own anger. If angered by your children's misbehaviour, take deep breaths or a short break or "time out" for yourself. The teaching should be motivated by a desire to help the child learn a better behaviour, not motivated by hostility.
"Time out"
Temporarily remove the child from the environment or activity. This should be for a realistic time period such as one minute per child's year of age.
With older children, use grounding or reasonable loss of privileges. If you cannot remove the child from a situation where he is misbehaving, remove the audience.
Redirect
A child playing with the a ball in the living room could be directed outside for such activities.
Make amends
Children learn responsibility when guided to demonstrate age appropriate accountability. A three year old may say "I'm sorry" and a ten year old may pay for damages from allowance.
Planned ignoring
Parental attention, even for misbehavior, can reinforce that behavior.
Praise and encouragement
Keep it positive! Acknowledge and reward the behavior you want repeated.
Teach by example; be a role model
Actions speak louder than words. Children learn how to behave by doing what they see adults doing.
Treat your children with respect
Treat them the same way you wish to be treated yourself. Watch your manner and tone of voice, be as non-critical and non-judgmental as possible.
Consistency
Consequences should be clearly stated and consistency enforced. Hard work will pay off in the end.
The Children's Aid Society, the public health department, and other community agencies can give you information about how to deal with your child's behaviour. As well, much information regarding this subject has been published and is available at your local library. Parents are encouraged to expand their knowledge on this subject.